If you’re a parent, the holidays turn you into a full‑time cast of characters. One minute you’re Mom or Dad; the next you’re Santa, the Elf on the Shelf’s HR manager, the Easter Bunny’s logistics lead, the tooth fairy’s CFO, and somewhere in there… possibly a leprechaun who didn’t sign up for any of this but is doing their best anyway.
And still, these are the best moments with our kids, because the magic is all about them. So when co‑parenting enters the chat, the question stops being “What do we want?” and becomes “What’s best for the kids?” (Even when what’s best for the kids is… twelve straight days of glitter.)
The Talk (A.K.A. Setting Expectations Without Breaking Hearts)
In our house, we started with the most important voices: the kids’. Their first wish, no surprise…was, “We want Mommy and Daddy together.” Unfortunately, that option was discontinued due to irreconcilable differences and general plot development. So we told the truth, gently and respectfully: Christmas would look a little different, but we would always be a family.
Cue the plan. Cue the spreadsheets. Cue the emotional support chocolate.
The Plan That Saved Christmas
We landed on a rhythm that works for us:
Christmas Eve → Christmas Day (noon) at one home
Christmas Day (noon) → Boxing Day at the other
Then it’s back to our regular schedule
Is it perfect? No.
Is it peaceful? Most days.
Is it easy? Absolutely not, especially at first.
Does it require the flexibility of a Cirque du Soleil performer? Shockingly, yes.
I’ll be honest: waking up on Christmas morning without little feet barreling down the hallway toward the tree really hurt. There was sadness, and a bit of depression. But it helped to remember their dad was feeling the same on the opposite day. The ache didn’t mean something was wrong with me; it meant something mattered. It also meant I needed to learn some new self‑care… and maybe stop crying into the wrapping paper.
British New Year’s: Fancy Like 9:45 PM
New Year’s? I don’t drink. If their dad wants a night out, I’m happy to host the kids for our extremely sophisticated British New Year’s, complete with a countdown at 9:00 or 10:00 p.m., and everybody in bed before the confetti calls a union meeting.
It’s adorable. It’s practical. It’s peak co‑parenting. And honestly, the Queen would be proud.
When the House Goes Quiet (and the Tree Still Glows)
Holidays can be loud with laughter and loud with loneliness. My family lives two to three hours away, so visits aren’t always doable. That can feel isolating. I’m lucky to have amazing friends who always offer a spare chair and a spare slice of pie but I’ve also learned to appreciate the quiet.
A lit tree, a crackling fireplace, and me, reading a book or pulling out a paintbrush. Some of those things slipped off the calendar when I became a parent. Now they fit again, right beside hot chocolate and “one more ornament,” which is always a lie. There’s never just one more ornament.
The Co‑Parenting Superpower: Let Them Talk
Here’s my biggest takeaway: Ask your kids. Not once. Often. Ask how they feel, what they want, what matters most. You raised independent thinkers now trust them to think, even when their answer isn’t your favorite.
I’ve heard so many children say their voices felt muted during a divorce. In my opinion, that’s the last thing we should ever do to them. They’re not accessories to the schedule, they’re the reason the schedule exists.
Dads, We See You
Co‑parenting isn’t just a “mom thing.” It affects dads every bit as much. Men deserve respect, empathy, and the room to say “this is hard for me too.” Our kids benefit when they see us respecting each other, compromising, not scoring points, especially when emotions run high and calendars get complicated enough to require a project manager.
What’s Working for Us (Steal What Helps, Ignore the Rest)
*Clear holiday handoffs (noon to noon) so kids know exactly what to expect
*Early New Year’s countdowns to model compromise and make rest a priority
*Open, regular kid check‑ins—we don’t assume; we ask
*Built‑in solo moments for each parent (art, books, naps, long baths, guilt‑free leftovers)
*Friends and community on standby to help soften the lonely spots
I’ll share how we navigate other holidays (Easter, birthdays, long weekends, hello, three‑day logistics puzzle) in an upcoming post/episode. But I wanted to start here, because the season is here, and this conversation matters.
If You Need This Today
If this time of year is heavy, you’re not alone. I’ll be spending part of Christmas Day in front of my fireplace and if you want to talk, comment below or send a message. Moms, dads, guardians, grandparents, whoever’s carrying the magic this year, your feelings are valid, and your effort counts.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Ho Ho Ho, and big hugs.
Two homes. One heart. Always.
Two Homes One Heart 