Well friends, here we are.
The final installment of my Awkward Conversations series.
And while I’m calling this the “final part,” let’s all be honest for a moment, awkward conversations never actually end. They just change outfits, get a little sneakier, and show up when you least expect them. But for the sake of closure (and my sanity), I wanted to wrap this series up by talking about one of the most awkward conversations of all…
Lawyers.
Now before anyone clutches their pearls, let me be very clear: lawyers are necessary. When children, property, finances, and futures are involved, you need legal guidance. There is no gold star for “doing it without one.” We used lawyers. You have to.
What you don’t have to do, however, is let your lawyers fight a duel at dawn while you sit back eating popcorn.
Because trust me that option is often enthusiastically offered.
When Your Lawyer Chooses Violence (Figuratively… Mostly)
My lawyer was very good at her job. Very good. Her mission in life seemed to be placing my ex-husband on a silver platter and serving him up for dinner with a side of alimony, spousal support, and “everything you’re entitled to.”
And listen for some people, those things are absolutely necessary and deserved. No judgment there. Every situation is different.
But that wasn’t what I wanted.
I am not a scorched-earth kind of person. I don’t want to screw people over. I don’t want revenge disguised as legal paperwork. And I didn’t want my children growing up believing that I was only with their dad for his money or that I needed to “take him down” to stand on my own two feet.
I wanted to show my kids and myself that I could do this.
Choosing Independence (Even When It’s Hard)
I was incredibly blessed to be a stay-at-home mom for as long as I was. Truly. But when the decision was made to separate, I knew one thing for certain: our lifestyle was going to change.
And I did not expect my ex-husband to continue funding that lifestyle.
I wanted to support myself. I wanted to prove to myself, my children, and frankly anyone watching that I could stand on my own. And that mattered to me deeply, because here’s a little truth bomb:
I had never really been alone.
When I met my ex-husband, I had been living in my “own” apartment (and I use that term loosely) for about six months. Then we moved in together. From that point on, I always had someone beside me. I had never truly done it alone.
And I wanted to know that I could.
So when the moment came, I did it.
I did it by myself.
And I proved it.
The Lawyer Reality Check
Here’s something I really want people to understand:
A lawyer’s job is to get the most and the best for their client. Period.
That doesn’t always mean they share your values, your goals, or your vision of “fair.” Some lawyers come in hot. Some come in cautious. Some may have their own personal experiences coloring how they approach divorce.
And that’s why it is so important that you and your lawyer are on the same page.
If you’re not?
Find a new lawyer.
You don’t want to get screwed over — absolutely not. But you also don’t need to take more than you can live with ethically. I struggle with the word deserve. Yes, legally, I deserved half the equity in the home. That made sense.
What I didn’t want was all of it.
I didn’t want my ex-husband to be homeless.
I didn’t want my children to have one safe home and one unstable one.
I didn’t want to “win” at the cost of their security.
Equality Over Ego
Some lawyers will tell you you’re entitled to everything, spousal support, 100% Section 7, the whole kit and caboodle.
But here’s my truth:
I am a grown-ass woman who chose to have children with this man, and I will take equal responsibility for raising them.
Yes, child support is different — and necessary when incomes are unequal. My ex and I sat down and talked. Like adults. Radical, I know.
I told him plainly: if we want our kids to have healthy homes, safe neighborhoods, good schools, reliable vehicles, and food we actually agree on in the fridge, we both need to be okay.
Not just one of us.
I didn’t want him struggling while I thrived, or vice versa. I wanted balance. Equality. Two solid homes, not one strong one and one barely holding it together.
Do I make what he makes? Not even close.
Is he incredibly successful? Absolutely.
Am I hurting? Not even a little.
I’m doing well. And I’m proud of that.
The Real Lesson of Awkward Conversations
So this is where I land this series.
Awkward conversations never end. They just get less terrifying. And the best thing you can do for yourself and for your children is to face them head-on.
Don’t beat around the bush.
Don’t hide things.
And never ask your children to keep secrets. Ever.
What you’re really teaching them is that uncomfortable conversations are a part of life and that they don’t need to be feared. You’re teaching them communication, honesty, and emotional resilience.
And you’re also showing your ex that you can communicate. That you’re approachable. That healthy dialogue is possible.
That benefits everyone.
So yes, this may be the end of the Awkward Conversations series, but let’s not pretend they’re going anywhere.
They’ll keep showing up.
And I promise, you’ll keep getting better at them.
Have a great day, a great week, and I’ll talk to you all very soon. 💛
Two Homes One Heart 